Lonely

Hi there, I'm Kaden James and you're listening to Spirlit. Take your life to the next level. Stop playing small. It's time to light it up. Hi everyone and welcome to the podcast. I want you to think about the last time you felt lonely. Now, maybe you searched for this podcast, and it popped up because you're feeling lonely now. If you're feeling lonely right now, I just want to talk directly to you. I want you to know that you're not alone. And I find that realizing that everyone feels alone sometimes and everyone feels lonely sometimes helps. A lot of times when we feel lonely, we think we're the only one who's suffering with this feeling of loneliness. But the truth is, at any given moment, there are lots of people. On the planet who are feeling lonely, I have felt lonely so many times in my life. Even when things looked like they were going really well, Even when I had a lot of people around me, sometimes when I was in relationships, I still felt this overwhelming sense of loneliness and. To be honest, I grew up feeling very lonely. I had parents around me and I had friends, but I still felt lonely. So this podcast episode is dedicated to everyone who might be going through a period of loneliness. There is a lot we can learn, and there's a lot that can be gained from realizing that our emotions are not. Bad. However, there are ones we prefer over others. But having felt deep loneliness in my life makes me better able to reach out to people who feel lonely right now. Loneliness can slowly creep into our lives like a fog. We might not be even aware of its presence until we are just lost in the feeling of it. And when we're in that place of loneliness and we don't know where to turn, we don't know what to do, sometimes just inquiring and going within. Can lead us to the proper answers now. If you've been experiencing loneliness for a while, I really do want to encourage you to reach out for help. That could be a therapist or a counselor or a hotline. But don't suffer alone. But if loneliness is just something that pops into your life here and there, and you sometimes have sleepless nights over it, I hope that this will bring you some comfort. So the first thing I think that's very important to do when you're feeling lonely is to just admit that you're lonely. Don't try to cover it up. Don't say I'm kind of lonely. Don't diffuse it, just say I'm lonely. Just saying that really frees you from trying to put on a show, even with just yourself. It allows you to just own the emotion and to sit in it. Sometimes when we admit an emotion, we can just really feel it deeply. And the way we heal things is by feeling it, just allowing ourselves to feel it, giving it that space to just be. Every emotion is here to teach us, and every emotion makes our lives more deep. And enriched might not feel like it now if you're in the state of loneliness, but your loneliness is teaching you. After you've admitted to yourself that you're feeling lonely, know that there might not be a quick solution. There might not be a quick fix for this. And often when we're feeling a heavy emotion or we're feeling like we don't really know what to do, sometimes just doing nothing is the path through. Sometimes just being with the emotion is the best thing that we can do, and if you're feeling that right now, this might be a good time to push pause on this and maybe return to it later. Because sometimes when we try to bring in solutions for an emotion that we're feeling, we actually bog ourselves down with more things to do, and we just kind of push too much into our brain instead of just allowing the emotion to just be there. So be honest with yourself. If any of these ideas that I'm sharing don't feel right for you, they probably aren't, but hopefully one will resonate with you and you'll be open to trying it. One thing that I can't stress enough is don't be ashamed of this feeling. Don't hide it. Don't neglect it. Don't cover it up. Don't lie to yourself about it. Just own it. It's OK to feel lonely. In fact, I've never met anybody who didn't feel lonely at some point in their life. Many people feel it. Often there's many people that we encounter on a regular basis who are struggling with loneliness. And if you deny it, if you minimize it. If you aren't open with it, they may suffer alone, so that's my first recommendation. When you're feeling lonely, reach out to someone you love. You don't necessarily have to share that you're feeling lonely at that moment, but just spend some time listening to one of their stories or something that's going on in their lives. Sometimes when we just have someone around, we sit with them, we listen to them. We can actually feel the loneliness kind of rise off of us. I've a friend who does a lot of volunteer work, and that actually really helped him with his loneliness. And in particular, he does hotlines. He's actually been trained through the nonprofit he works with. To help people through their loneliness and just by knowing that other people are struggling with this and knowing the methods and the remedies to get through it. He has healed himself from a lot of the pain that he felt and experienced. And he gets to be there like a Big Brother for all these other people who are feeling lonely or feeling isolated. You're feeling completely alone in the world. And that has helped him soften that state of loneliness. If you feel lonely quite often, it might be a good time to expand your social circle. You might want to join a club or a group, or even play a sport with some friends just having that social interaction a few times a week. Or maybe even just once a week, if you don't have it currently, can make a huge difference. And our feeling of loneliness and we create better relationships with those around us, so that when we do feel a sense of loneliness, we can reach out with a text to call, even share, a funny meme. Sometimes just those little things can make a big difference. It's the way we check in with each other and we can kind of feel buoyed up when we start to get down. As I've done a lot of traveling the past few years, I've felt a deep sense of loneliness in some really amazing places. I have found myself in many hotel rooms. Where I felt very lonely. There's something about a hotel room that just adds that layer of loneliness. I think it's you don't see your things around you and everything looks a little bit more sterile and perfectly placed and I find having real life objects really helps so. That's something that I've done. As I've traveled more, I've brought things from home that give me a sense of peace and calm. So it could be a scent you love. It could be a really soft blanket that you can cuddle with. And that's something I have done as I've traveled. One of my friends calls me lioness because of this, because I bring a blanket. With me, but that soft blanket is familiar. And when you're traveling and staying in all kinds of hotels and Airbnbs, the beddings always different. But if that blanket is the same and I get that softness and I can put it against my face and and it has that warm familiar fragrance of the laundry detergent I use. That helps me feel a sense of home and a sense of calm as I travel. I also enjoy bringing a rock or a crystal with me that I can just have. It's just something real from the earth that is in a room, and I can't bring a plant with me when I travel, so it's nice to have something. That I can just have in the room that is of the earth. I just think that that's a really nice grounding thing to be able to do. And when you're traveling, a lot of times you don't have your friends nearby and you might be in a different time zone, so it can be hard to communicate. So I find it helpful to make a quick friend. In whatever city you're in, this doesn't have to be somebody that you're going to necessarily be friends with for the rest of your life. Don't put a lot of pressure on it. Just be light about it. Talk to somebody when you're at a cafe, you know, greet somebody on the street and ask them where they're from or something about their life, and just start a conversation. And if the conversation goes well, share your social media or your number, or ask them about their favorite parts of the city or some highlights to see while you're in town. This can really help you bond with someone. And if you're traveling and they're traveling, you could actually have somebody to go on some adventures. With and you can check in throughout your trip. You know, if you're there for a week, it's nice to have a little buddy. I did this when I went to Tulum and I've done it on other trips and I never ever regret it. I'm always so grateful when I make those little fast connections. One of my favorite experiences doing this was when I traveled to London. Two of my closest friends and we met someone early on in that trip and we hung out a few times and I followed him on social media and I know a lot about his life and I saw him graduate from college and we've been pen pals ever since. It's been an amazing experience staying out with Nick online. Then next time I'm in London, I'll definitely hit him up and it's just a cool thing that we can do when we're traveling. It's a fun way of experiencing life when you have friends from each region that you go to. It makes the world feel a lot smaller and more homey and a lot less lonely. Having a good schedule in place can really help with loneliness as well. If we schedule in time to go to the gym or do yoga or have a good solid work schedule and a good sleep schedule, that can really help us get into good routines so that we are taking good care of ourselves, and even just knowing that you're taking good care of yourself. Shows that you're being a good friend to yourself, and that can help with loneliness as well. Follow that up with drinking lots of fresh water and checking in with yourself by asking what is it I need? What could I do right now to feel a little better? Make not being a regular part of your routine if you can. What's beautiful about sleep is as we sleep, we actually cut off a lot of the thoughts that are maybe causing us to feel lonely because every emotion we feel is brought on by a thought. And sometimes we can't catch the thought quick enough and we're deep into the emotion by then. But by taking a nap, we actually reset most thoughts. Of course we have some subconscious thoughts, but no conscious thoughts when we're sleeping. Have you ever had a really good nap where you were in like a kind of a cranky mood or you didn't? Feel good. And then you took that nap and you felt so much better. I'm guessing this is the reason parents love nap time for their children. Because when our minds have been going all day and when we've been running around, sometimes we just need that reset, that refresh. And for parents, they get that little break too. Which is really nice for them as well. And if it feels like no, that's not for me, or that's too childish, try doing these meditations that program your mind for success. It could be affirmations that gently lead you into sleep. It could be reprogramming your subconscious. Or working on your limiting beliefs could be any number of things. But realize that this time that you're investing in yourself, you're actually upgrading yourself. Almost like how our phone apps sometimes need an update to remove the glitches. Think of your nap time as this. It's removing. All the thoughts that aren't serving you, it's emptying the mind and clearing it so that you can bring good things in. And through those meditations, through those affirmations, you're going to be able to do just that. A powerful reframe I like to teach my clients when they're feeling a state of loneliness or feeling alone is to turn that into solitude or serenity. Have you ever seen a picture of a lake that's completely still? And there's no one around. And all you can see in that lake is the reflection of the sky above. That's solitude. That's serenity. If you just take that into your mind, a peace can wash over you. So instead of feeling like you're alone in the middle of nowhere and it's so horrible, instead maybe just take it in. Breathe it in. Breathe in that freshness of this moment. Of this now reality where you're listening to these words right now. You're right here. You're not alone. I'm here with you. We are talking about loneliness together. You're not alone. You have a friend here, and you have somebody that you can revisit any time you need. Together we can alchemize our lower vibrations and start to feel relief just by letting go. Allowing them to be thanking them for what they've taught us and then letting go. Letting ourselves rise to the surface of that beautiful lake, that lake of peace and serenity and solitude. You're here for a reason, and your emotions are valid. Another beautiful way to express your emotions is through art. I have a wonderful, beautiful soul of a friend named Genevieve who teaches art therapy and mainly through painting. So people actually paint what they're feeling, they take what's inside them and they pour it onto the page with color and expression. And they're able to move the emotions through them. Some people do this with dance, others do it with music. Music is very powerful. When I was growing up, I learned this very quickly by listening to a lot of Alanis Morissette on repeat and feeling so angry. And I didn't even know why I was so angry. I was just feeling so angry. And finally, I just went and I cracked the CD. Alanis, please forgive me, but Jagged Little Pill was very intense for a very young mind who hadn't experienced those emotions wasn't the right thing for me to be listening to when I took that out of my life and I did it kind of symbolically breaking it. Because I wanted to break free of that negative emotion of that lower vibration for myself and for some people, they they listen to some of those songs and they feel empowered, right? That's an amazing state to feel. And there's a few songs that I'll go back to from those records and I do feel empowered. And I can listen to it now and I can have fun with it, and that's awesome. But if you're noticing that music is bringing you down, maybe you're listening to a lot of Norah Jones and you're just feeling kind of sad. Or maybe it's Adele for you. I love Adele, by the way, but there is a time and place for certain sad songs And what I've realized is when I am feeling sad, I want to listen to sad songs because I feel less alone. When I'm feeling kind of depressed or Moody, or if it's a rainy day and I'm kind of feeling those cozy vibes, I like to listen to those songs or to listen to that music in those moments. One of my favorite hacks that I created for myself. This wasn't taught to me. It's something that I figured out. It's a life hack and I want to share it with you. Right now. I'm super excited about this one. Alright, you create a playlist that goes from the most negative emotion you can experience. Maybe that's envy. Maybe it's rage, those low level emotions, right? And you make every song on that playlist get a little bit higher in frequency. And I'm not talking like literal musical frequency, I'm talking about vibrational frequency. I'm talking about what it does inside you until you get to songs. That take you out of this world where you are feeling so much love, you're feeling so empowered and you're feeling a state of your phoria and bliss. And it may be annoying to start with those songs. This is what I figured out when I started doing this for myself. I would go to the sad songs when I was feeling sad. Go to the happy songs when I was feeling really happy and I would match the vibration I was in. So when I figured that out, I realized if I can just move that vibration slowly up through a playlist or if I can have separate playlists for each emotion. But I find that having that one master playlist where you can really pick where you're at. And all the songs are songs you love. So even the songs that are full of rage, you still love this song, but it's at that frequency of emotion. And you can then move up the scale, you move that playlist up the vibrational scale until you're feeling bliss, You're feeling love and joy. And I hope you will try this because I'm telling you, this is a very, extremely powerful method that I've never heard anybody share. And I'm so happy that I'm sharing it with you because I like to give my best stuff in these podcast episodes. You know, one day I'll write a book, I'll compile it all into one thing, but I'm loving this relationship that. We're building. I mean, I love the feedback that I'm getting from this podcast. I love your comments, your notes. It's just this connection. And that's the other thing about loneliness. When we start connecting with other people and we share our best and people keep showing up, wanting more because we're being so generous with our spirit, with our time, with our energy, with our cooking. You know, if you're a cook out there or a chef and you're cooking up some good stuff, people are always gonna wanna come back for more. Because you're not just feeding them, but you're feeding their spirit. You're feeding their soul with your generosity, with your love, with your kindness, and with your delicious homemade meal. I mean, invite me over. I can't wait to try it. So hopefully some of these methods resonated with you and you might have a couple that you might want to try and know that everyone experiences loneliness from time to time. If you want to do a meditation together. I have a few on my YouTube page. If you just go to youtube.com/kaden you can check them out and they might bring you some peace as well. If you found this helpful in any way, please leave us a review. This helps us get seen. This will help more people feel less lonely and you can feel really good knowing that you are contributing that you are helping so much to grow this community. We are all brothers and sisters. The Soul siblings and I really appreciate you taking the time to leave a review and if you do reach out to me, I want to personally thank you and I'll be having some gifts and some goodies that can come your way too for doing this. I really appreciate all the love and all the support in this community. They're amazing and I feel less lonely in the world knowing you're out there. Thanks for listening.